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We have no idea which band member answered these; it was implied that they teamed up on them. -- Ed.
Various religions suggest that there's a "special" hell for certain sins (hurting children, being cruel to animals, using the word "blog" as a verb, etc). Who else needs a "special" hell?
Yellow Second: Hands down, Creed deserves such a fate. Never has a single group
perpetrated so much widespread evil.
Due to poor financial planning, you've got to eat for an entire week on only US$10. What do you buy, food-wise?
Yellow Second: Wouldn't that be like a normal tour?
What's the biggest misconception that people have about you?
Yellow Second: We do not sing a song called "Ocean Avenue", nor do we have a fiddle
player.
You've locked your car keys inside the tour van and don't have AAA.How do you get the door open?
Yellow Second: Get a new van, or buy a bus.... why not?
In the UK, trying to kill the Queen is still technically a capital offense. If the Queen tried to commit suicide and failed, could she be sentenced to death? Explain.
Yellow Second: Freddie Mercury is a genius.
If you were a 50ft high Tyrannosaurus Rex, would you use your powers for good or evil? Who would you go after first?
Yellow Second: Sam Neill, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum, and what the hell -- Michael
Crichton.
You've decided to write a musical. What's it about and who's the star?
Yellow Second: It would star Julie Andrews. She would be a nanny in Austria. She would
have to win the affection of the children, and in the process she would
teach them to sing. She would dress in all black, fly with an umbrella, and
gain a reputation for giving children a spoonful of sugar. Possible guest
stars might include Christopher Plummer or Dick Van Dyke.
What's your favorite board game? Why do you like it?
Yellow Second: Jumanji. I've had some wild adventures with that game.
Everyone likes at least one cheesy/crappy song that totally kills their cred. What's yours?
Yellow Second: "Barbie Girl" by Aqua. Don't judge, we know you own that record. (I don't -- Ed.)
The standard touring vehicle is always a beat-up van.What has been the worst/weirdest method of conveyance you've had to use on a tour?
Yellow Second: Right now we have a really nice van, but we are thinking of trading it for
a Mini Cooper because of the sweet gas mileage.
What was the best meal you were supplied by a tour venue? What was the worst?
Yellow Second: The Best: Chick-fil-a in Atlanta. If any promoter feeds us Chick-fil-a we are instantly in love. The Worst: Mexican Jambalaya potluck somewhere in Iowa.
Will it ever truly be possible to "rock the vote", or will apathy, indifference and laziness always triumph over activism?
Yellow Second: I could answer this but I don't think it would make a difference. Well, I
guess I could go either way. Actually, I don't feel like answering this.
If you could watch one historical event re-enacted by a cast of chimpanzees, which one would it be, and why?
Yellow Second: The Nuremburg trials.
What is the coolest tattoo you've ever seen (and don't choose one of your own)?
Yellow Second: One time I saw a guy with a dragon on his arm and a spiderweb on his elbow...
How long after an unopened gallon of milk's "use-by" date has passed would you be willing to use it?
Yellow Second: If it's past the "use-by" date, I'm not touching it.
What is the most unusual item you've thrown up on/in?
Yellow Second: I had to drink a two-liter of Dr. Pepper as fast as I could for a high
school assembly. It was a competition between me and three other guys. I won
the competition, but then threw up all over the gym floor in front of the
whole school.
Do you prefer the term "underwear" or "underpants"? What does that say about you?
Yellow Second: Underwear. Is it weird that I don't wear pants under my pants?
You've been asked to submit an anecdote or "tip" to a book called Everything I Need to Know About Life I Learned On Tour With My Band. What do you tell them?
Yellow Second: My Uncle Ben once told me that with great power comes great
responsibility.
What basic freedoms are you prepared to give up in exchange for your and your family's safety?
Yellow Second: Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Due to a breakthrough in technology, it's possible to learn any skill, no matter how complex, pretty much instantly, by uploading the information directly into your brain (yes, like in The Matrix). Unfortunately, you can only do it once. What skill would you learn, and why?
Yellow Second: I would like to have some pretty sweet bow staff skills.
Not to be morbid, but let's assume that (a) you've died, and (b) you filled out an organ donor card and potential recipients are lining up. Which part of your body do you think will be most sought-after? Are there any bits no-one will want?
Yellow Second: I have an awesome Hammond organ.
There are literally hundreds of euphemisms for masturbation. What's the best one you've heard?
Yellow Second: Defragmenting my hard drive.
Which is worse: downloading an album and burning copies for five friends, or shoplifting one physical copy of the same CD from an overpriced national retailer? Explain your answer.
Yellow Second: Six of one, half a dozen of the other. Buy the record so we can eat.
A few years ago, anal sex was still taboo; nowadays it's trendy. What will be the next major sexual taboo to fall?
Yellow Second: Anal sex is trendy? You sick, sick bastard.
What, in your opinion, is the best book ever written? And why?
Yellow Second: Green Eggs and Ham. All of life's mysteries are answered in those pages.
Right this very second, what are you most looking forward to, and why?
Yellow Second: I can't wait until I can come up with all of the answers to this
interview.
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Six months after replying to these Questions, Christian emo-rockers Yellow Second decided to break up. They played their final show on October 7th, 2005.
-- George Zahora
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