Furball Alert! In an effort to branch out from the holiday music scene, everyone's favorite feline musicians are headed to school this September. The Jingle Cats are slated to drop the highly anticipated Collegial Catz in finer record stores near you. The album is reported to include covers of The Barenaked Ladies' "Grade 9", Vitamin C's "Graduation Song" and, for the first time, a handful of original tunes. I for one, can't wait to hear them meow the praises of "Fishwich Fridays"... On a more, uh, bipedal note, Ben Gibbard is the latest in a string of celebs to check into a luxury clinic citing exhaustion. Apparently Gibbard, who friends say penned a mind numbing 300 plus songs this year, has committed himself to plenty of bed-rest and barred any and all friends and entertainments, his New Order and Cyndi Lauper collections excepted... Say it ain't so: as if Weezer's recent forays into nü-metal territory haven't been reason enough for geek heartbreak, frontman Rivers Cuomo has decided to bring Good Charlotte's Joel Madden in to produce his upcoming solo effort. A close source claims Cuomo's interest was piqued after hearing Madden's work on Hilary Duff's greatest hits album, Most Wanted... I don't think you can handle it, whoo! Softspoken Christian zealot Sufjan Stevens has abandoned his stated goal to record an album about every one of the fifty United States -- only two albums in. His new project, an album tentatively titled Hail! Hail! Saskatchewan! is rumored to be the beginning of his musical exploration of Canada's less daunting ten provinces and three territories. Perhaps this undertaking will fare better than Stevens's last: I'm told he has already started working on lyrics for "Ahoy Nunavut"... Looks like M.I.A isn't just striking a pose with all those PLO references in her songs. More than one source confirmed that Palestinian revelers blasted Arular's "Sunshowers" while Israeli forces began their withdrawal from the Gaza Strip. "Like PLO, I don't surrendo!"... As if the Hulkster's dance moves weren't enough reason to tune in, next week's episode of the reality hit Hogan Knows Best will feature none other than Death Cab For Cutie guitarist and burgeoning producer Chris Walla. Walla, who sources say had been secretly looking to lay down a few tracks with Hogan nymphette Brooke, reportedly came away from the experience with a new love for running wild and eating his vitamins. No word yet on when Hulkamania will collide with the "Walla of Sound"... Following in Walla's footstep's, pained songwriter Will Oldham is is also set to answer the call of prime time. Insiders at HBO have leaked word of a recurring role for Oldham on their gritty western series Deadwood. No word yet on whether his beard will play a separate character... Peter Gallagher sighting: Front row at The Knitting Factory's Bloc Party show; afterward, having a public spat with fair-weather girlfriend Scout Niblett. "She'd have kicked him to the curb by now," says a Niblett amigo, "But the sex is too good"...

That's it for this month, loves! See you next time, when I'll explain why you should never eat lunch off the desks at Sub Pop HQ! Until then, drink a glass of champagne for me! Toodles!

-- The Rumor-Monger