Bow Wow Wow's "I Want Candy"
The list wouldn't be complete without this '80s throwback. Unfortunately, the Bow Wow Wowers have sold the rights to this tune to just about any department store that needs a jingle. And didn't Reese's use it to promote their cookies? Whatever; it's still the torch-bearing anthem for everyone who's trying to make it through another day without enough sleep, barely coasting by on a sugar high.

Iggy Pop's "Candy"
Yeah, okay, Iggy's chart-climbing, cred-damaging duet with Kate Pierson isn't about sweets -- it's about a "beautiful, beautiful girl from the north". However, if you remove that bit, and the bit where Kate talks about men "down on the street" being all the same, the remaining lyrics could be pressed into broader service. For example, the song could make a moving production number in a musical about type two diabetes -- sort of an Angels in America for fat, heterosexual Americans.

Elvis Costello's "So Like Candy"
Sure, it's about an inconsiderate ex-girlfriend, but can't you see the merchandising potential? Mr. Costello teams up with Hershey for the pre-Halloween advertising blitz, and loads on the melody while he's at it.

Siouxsie and the Banshees' "Candyman"
In every neighborhood, there's a house with a rep -- the guy who lives there supposedly works for a candy company, and he gives away whole bags of the stuff. Of course, some people might question that guy's motivation nowadays, Siouxsie Sioux being one of them: "Sickly sweet, his poison seeks / For the young ones who don't understand / The danger in his hands / With a jaundiced wink see his cunning slink / Oh trust in me my pretty one / Come walk with me my helpless one." It's a powerful cautionary tale, but common sense goes out the door when a whole bag of fun-size Snickers bars is within reach.

Cibo Matto's "The Candy Man"
Almost every song on their debut has some reference to food, but Cibo Matto's cover of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory's ode to sweet nothings is the quintessential sugar-worship song. As we all know, chocolate doesn't really make you happier or solve your problems, but like any good drug, it makes you give a lot less of a shit about them for a little while.

The Velvet Underground's "Candy Says"
The opening track of VU's third and (arguably) most accessible album, Lou Reed's sparse, affecting mock love song to transvestite superstar/fellow Warhol affiliate Candy Darling isn't exactly Halloween music per se, but there's no denying the fact that Reed's subject knew her way around a compact.

Marcy Playground's "Sex and Candy"
Who could forget this late-nineties alterna-radio hit from an otherwise go-nowhere NYC post-grunge troupe? Lots of people, that's who. The song itself is rather mundane, sipping off its own sugary buzz until it fizzles out three minutes later amid the yawns of the guy producing it. Then again, who doesn't love a good KitKat or Milky Way after a sweaty, screaming orgasm?

Motion City Soundtrack's "Perfect Teeth"
If you eat too much candy, you'll never have perfect teeth. If you don't have perfect teeth, you'll never get that hot girl that works at Hot Topic to go to the Starting Line show with you. This dejection will lead to you eating even more candy, rotting the hell out of your teeth and making you fat. Oh, and the song rocks like a pocket full of pipe bombs and M-80s, too.

The Cherubs' "Pixie Stix"
One of Austin's favorite noise rock acts, The Cherubs slapped together sonic terror with a massive rhythm section, creating something that's never been duplicated. If Whitley's nasal vocals didn't get to you, the piercing guitar and galloping drums certainly would. Just don't take any of these from the "Candyman" either, especially if they've been tampered with, and of course make sure to check with your parents before consuming any candy.

The Charms' "Candy"
Boston's premier female-fronted garage rockers -- sorry Downbeat Five -- wolf down a grape-flavored riff right off of Townshend's "My Love", chew it up and flash purpled-dyed tongues and teeth at anyone who blinks. Problem is, they're not really singing about candy here. It's a metaphor for something or other... that man in the tinted-windowed Pontiac can explain it to you.

Steve Wynn & the Miracle 3's "Candy Machine"
The thing about candy is there's never enough... even the poshest neighborhoods, where every house is giving away chocolate and no one stoops to those horrible SweeTart packets (Hey, back off, those are great. -- Ed.); they can't satisfy a 10-year-old sweet tooth. Steve Wynn suggests a little supplementary larceny in this killer track from Here Come the Miracles. Those M&Ms in the jar are history...just bang, bang, bang on the candy machine.

The Dirtbombs' "Candyass"
Kids get cavities. Their moms, stuck with too many mini-Snickers bars, take their hits in the rear. Mick Collins makes wide-load anatomies sound almost sexy -- hell, he makes everything sound sexy -- in this garage-torching rave-up. And when we're done shaking extra-large butts to this one, there's always "Little Miss Chocolate Syrup" to follow.

Bikini Kill's "Sugar
Nope, I'm not even going to indulge you with a reference to System of a Down. Mick 'n' The Dirtbombs may play games with metaphors and sex, but Kathleen Hanna never minced words with these XXX-rated lyrics. She gets straight to the point -- and no, that's not a lollipop in my pants.

The Time's "Chocolate"
Prince sings lead vocals on this funky, humorous tune by the vastly underrated and overlooked Time. Based on the numerous references to Milky Ways, Tootsie Rolls and 3 Musketeers, I thought I was on the right track, and was salivating almost instantaneously. Of course, I found out soon enough that the blasted metaphor had struck again! Look, all I want is some goddamn candy. Can't someone give me some candy?

Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar On Me"
You're going to get sick anyway from gorging yourself on Tootsie Rolls, marshmallow pumpkins and candy corn, so you won't get much sicker listening to Def Leppard's sickening mantra; it can be the soundtrack to your heaving and moaning. In case it was never burned into your brain, here's a sample lyric to help you on your way: "I'm hot, sticky sweet / from my head to my feet."

Dexter Gordon's "Cheese Cake"
Hopefully this doesn't appear in your trick or treat bag, or you're likely to have a real mess to sort through. The tenor sax player bops and swings through this upbeat number with limitless energy. Gordon is in top form here, and his impeccable phrasing and dexterous playing explain why many people still say that he's one of the top players of all time.

Das Damen's "Candy Korn"
Who invented this crap? The absolute bottom of the barrel, shittiest candy doesn't really deserve a place in the annals of candied musical history, but when you're desperate for the buzz, you'll eat what you can get your hands on. But seriously, why do people even buy this stuff in the first place -- and even worse, hand it out to the kids?

Stan Getz's "Hershey Bar" and "Tootsie Roll"
You get two for the price of one on Getz's classic Roost Quartets album. Getz led the way into the cool school during the 1950s with his soothing tenor sax tone. It's no Ghiradelli or Valrhona, but Hershey is always a safe chocolate standby. Tootsie Rolls, on the other hand, are one of those mystery candies that are manufactured from some sort of alien ingredient, aren't they?

Motley Crue's "Sticky Sweet"
It's classic Motley Crue -- a song about girls, with a killer guitar riff. Listening to The Crue is kind of like eating candy, in that you enjoy it during the intake, but your grumbling stomach reminds you later that maybe it wasn't such a good idea. At least Vince, Nikki, Mick and Tommy serve as inspiration for many a Halloween costume!

Hole's "Sugar Coma"
Courtney Love wasn't thinking about sweets when she wrote the song that later morphed into "Boys on the Radio", but anyone who's eaten half their Halloween take in a single night knows pain and suffering. Just don't let your kids eat the caramel apples she passes out to the trick-or-treaters.

Bis's "Kandy Pop"
Bis's early EP This is Teen-C Power! established them as one of the cutest damn bands you'd ever seen, and this ultra-catchy anthem is true aural candy. Nine years later, it's still stuck in our heads -- now, that's a real Everlasting Gobstopper.

Plaid Retina's "Sugarfit"
Long before these punks from California's central valley were exploring creeping Melvins-style dirges, they were the king of the half-a-minute spazz blast. "Sugarfit" was the best of the 12 songs on their self-titled seven inch on Lookout -- it tied together their childlike ADD, their sugar cravings and their uncanny ability to play their instruments at ungodly speeds. Lyrics like these can be the mantra for the kid in all of us this Halloween: "Once the sugar's in my veins, it makes my body go insane / How can I get an education with hyperactive circulation?"

Ween's "Big Fat Fuck"
Although this is perhaps better suited to November 1st than October 31st, it pretty much describes my shape after a night of drinking and overdoing the "one for you, one for me" style of handing out candy. And let's just say that it does nothing to improve my costume choice. Peter Pan in green tights seemed like a great idea until I overindulged. How about you just have your kids skip this house this time around, eh?

Thanks to all of the Splendid staffers who reached into their bags o' treats and pulled out these choices: Andrew Magilow, George Zahora, Jennifer Kelly, Ron Davies, Christian Carey, Philip Stone, David Cobb, Atossa Abrahamian, Jason Jackowiak and Sarah Zachrich.