The Faint's "Posed to Death"
Now that everyone has been awakened by tortured screams and wails, the rest of the faithful partygoers will be gyrating their funky young booties to this rump-shaker -- a throwback to the time when Alf was king and Anthony Michael Hall had a promising acting career.

Antipop Consortium's "EKG"
The first of two ditties from this techno/hip hop hybrid on the slate for tonight, a chillout computer-composed groove akin to Air. "EKG" serves as a nice transition between the dance flair of "Posed to Death" and the lyrical spitting/bass drum hard hitting "Conspiracy of Myth". All the young boys will try (and fail) to memorize all the rhymes so as to impress their female counterparts.

Weezer's "Pink Triangle"
Three words -- lesbian, pink, triangle. That’ll be enough for most guys. An extra plus for the chronic lovers comes with the line, "mighta smoked a few in my time, but never thought it was a crime."

Le Shok's "We Are Electrocution"
This 51 second garage punk jaunt will bust and turn and jerk everyone to the dance area. Of course, by now, the lubricated dancers will be moving as gracefully as Elaine Bennis. The album’s artwork will be quite sufficient to thrill any hetero male in attendance.

Big Black's "Fish Fry"
If a teen ever claimed to be rebellious or a wrench in the system, Big Black is his band and "Fish Fry" is his song for the evening. Big Black was never afraid to write songs that violated norms. This track describes a man cleaning his truck after he has violently murdered another man. The explicit lyrics and album cover art will appeal to any and every teen who wants to do the opposite of his/her parents' will.

Basement Jaxx's "Get Me Off"
Most pubescent youngsters have heard Basement Jaxx on commercials before, but never like this. Destined to be a crowd pleaser, "Get Me Off" is for the young ladies to move to, and will egg all the horny guys on with its blatantly sexual lyrics.

Moldy Peaches' "Who’s Got the Crack"
For a week after hearing this song, guys will ask each other "who’s got the crack?" like it's the funniest damn thing anyone ever said. Adam Green sings/talks about putting his "mama in a headlock"; some recalcitrant teens will want to do the same.

Blackalicious's "Chemical Calisthenics"
Featuring Cut Chemist from Jurassic 5, "Chemical Calisthenics" hip hops along at an insane pace with catchy beats a la "Bombs over Broadway", but is perhaps not as dance-worthy. For an added bonus, the song is about elements, their properties, and what type of compounds you can compose with said elements. Science freaks will eat it up.

Peaches' "Lovertits"
The song title is suggestive, but that's not enough. Electroclash pioneer Peaches hides nothing in this romp through the sheets, or mud, or Jell-o, or whatever she chooses as the domain for her dirty pleasure. The kids will be astonished to discover that there are people "dirrtier" than Christina Aguilera.

Brassy's "No Competition"
This song, full of assertive female vocals and punchy breakbeats, could easily be used as an anthem for a girls' volleyball or basketball team. The girls will join in a joyous romp, happily jumping up and down with their peach schnapps and loudly proclaiming that there is no competition for their looks or their skills.

Jonathan Richman's "Pablo Picasso"
A fight song for those feeling downtrodden. The Velvet Underground-like riff moves along simply and effectively, inspiring a scrawny boy in the corner, who has been nursing his Pabst Blue Ribbon for the last hour, to challenge his rival to a scrum. He subsequently gets beaten, thoroughly and savagely. Side note: Richman says asshole ten times in this song. That will be appreciated, though gangsta rap fans won't know what all the fuss is about.

Johnny Cash's "I Still Miss Someone"
The perfect salve to heal the achy breaky heart of any love-struck teen who doesn't hook up with Mr. or Ms. Right before the end of the evening.

Dillinger Escape Plan's (featuring Mike Patton) "Pig Latin"
Everyone is liquored up, and the police have shined their spotlights on the party house and the kids are fleeing like rats from a flooded sewer. "Pig Latin" will motivate them to move as violently, spastically and hastily as the song does, the better to avoid arrest.