Twenty Indie Rock Bands Whose Music Could Be Used In a Gay Porno Movie Soundtrack:
A case of a concept that sounded absolutely hysterical at 2:00 a.m., after sitting through a four band bill at a nasty, smoky venue, but that bore very little in the way of fruit the following day.

Fourteen Records Jason Broccardo Showed No Interest In When We Told Him About Them, Only To Become a Mouth-Foaming Devotee Thereof Three Months Later:
Everyone has a friend like this -- you tell him about something, he shrugs it off, and then a little later on, after you've tired of whatever you told him about, he suddenly picks up on it and won't shut up about it. In Splendid's case, this is occasional contributor Jason Broccardo. The list that evolved from this idea, while very satisfying to write, was far too inside jokey to run -- which, for us, is really saying something.

Thirteen Bands We Described As Sounding Like The Replacements Even Though They Actually Didn't:
George suggested this topic after re-reading his review of Beulah's When Your Heartstrings Break, in which he made this (in retrospect) entirely inadequate comparison. But we couldn't find any other offenders. Oh well.

Sixteen Classic Pieces of Roman and Greek Poetry that Bob Pollard Should Set to Music:
Theodore came up with this one. His lists always make the rest of us feel un- or under-educated. In the end, we put the kibosh on this after reading the sentence, "I'm enamoured of the wry, Budweiser-sotted observations of Robert Pollard more than any swooning, vainglorious epitaph ever written by the poet Martial." We have our pride to consider.

Fourteen CDs that We're Using As Coasters:
Damn, this one was going to be funny. We were going to tweak the noses of certain wizard's cap-wearing Kid A fans, while also commenting on the status of the second Sugarcubes album as one of the building blocks of any good used CD store. Actually, we might still come back to that idea, but this one tanked when we discovered that most of our writers would rather sell a CD for ten cents than make an ironic statement by using it as a drink coaster.

Sixteen CDs to Listen To While You're Updating Your Weblog:
Most of the big-name weblogs were already on their last legs when we came up with this idea in late August. By the time we started developing it, September 11th had happened, and most of the webloggers had either come to the realization that life was too short to spend it writing about the Dismemberment Plan in an online diary, or were too busy writing about the Dismemberment Plan to notice anything amiss.

Twelve CDs We'll Probably Never Get Back From John Wolfe:
In late October, Splendid staffer John Wolfe -- a marginal writer who'd been given more second chances than he deserved -- disappeared without a trace, taking a brand new package of CDs with him. Yes, we know -- he's a sorry ass little goat-fucker, and if anyone in Gainesville, Florida reads this and would like to help us track him down, we'd appreciate your assistance. However, as this was the first time in history that a writer had flaked in such a fashion, and because Splendid's CD shipping process was, by design and for speed's sake, fairly random, we don't actually know which twelve CDs he has. If you've been waiting since mid-October for a review, there's a good chance that yours was one of the twelve. But we'll never know for sure.

Twelve Reviews By Josh Kazman that Were Sent Back for Retooling:
Josh himself submitted this list, fancying himself a master of metacommentary. Unfortunately, we had to send the list back to him, as it needed a bit more work.

Seventeen Terms from the Splendid Glossary:
Speaking of metacommentary...the plan here was to reveal the Secret Language of Splendid -- to define in-house terms like Folder Band, Fluff vs. Filigree and other clandestine, borderline masonic phrases. But when pressed, we could only come up with three or four terms from the Splendid glossary, and we were forced to make up the rest, which wound up being so ludicrous and improbable-sounding that, faced with the prospect of trying to actually use them or else giving up, we voted to bag the whole venture.

Fifteen Album Cover Scenes We'd Like To Visit:
This was a great idea, in theory; it was only as the list filled up with stuff like Roxy Music's Country Life and BMX Bandits' Life Goes On that we realized it was heading in an alarmingly juvenile direction.

Fourteen Albums That No Self-Respecting Person Should Own:
This list was compiled as a group effort...after which we discovered that each of us owned at least one of the albums on the list, and Andrew had six of them. The rest of the week was rather tense, and in the interest of not reopening those wounds, we consigned the list to the metaphorical scrapheap.

Seventeen Non-Music-Related Files on George's Computer that, When Opened in a Sound-Editing Program, Sound Like Tracks from Autechre's Confield:
Only the title was actually funny.