AC/DC's "Givin' the Dog a Bone"
Actually, this song is not about puppy treats at all. Still, if most guys could do what this song talks about for themselves -- as dogs certainly can -- there might not be any rock and roll. Certainly no AC/DC.

The Fiery Furnaces' "I Lost My Dog"
Eleanor Friedberger is looking for her dog all over the place -- the bar, the gym, the vet -- none of which would happen if she checked him into the nearest doggy ritz. From the zany and over-the-top Blueberry Boat.

David Bowie's "Queen Bitch"
Affluent dog boarding is a competitive sport. What to wear? What to wear? (Not for you, you idiot, for your dog!) You could do worse than take a few notes from the Thin White Duke, who recommends "a frock coat and bipperty-bopperty hat..." But, god, you could do better than that.

Missy Elliott's "Dogs in Heat"
We suggest lots of different pet hotels -- some for families, some for singles on the make. Got a hound on your hands? "Dogs in Heat" is perfect for those barking mad disco parties where all the animals are zonked on E.

Clinic's "Pet Eunuch"
Or maybe your pet can't complete the pass anymore, thanks to those universal spaying campaigns. It's still a party when you play Clinic's jittery-slammed ode to neuteredness.

Frank Black's "Dog in the Sand"
Bone-shaped pools my ass. What your puppy wants is a beach, maybe a little cabana, a few rib bones to snack on surf-side, unlimited posts to pee on, and perhaps a soft and mournful voice singing "if your heart is sad / give your dog a bone / see her in the sand."

The Blacktops' "No One Knows You're a Dog"
This murderously bass-heavy song from pre-Dirtbombs, post-Gories Mick Collins nails the best thing about upscale kennels in three insinuating lines: "I'm a dog / You're a dog / But when you're out there, no one knows you're a dog." And then the whole thing melts down into beautiful chaos.

Violet Indiana's "Beyond the Furr"
High-end kennels are the perfect place to get rid of all that extra winter fur, clip the nails and generally clean up one's act. What better music for self-beautification than Robin Guthrie's airy, relaxing Violet Indiana?

Mogwai's "Oh How the Dogs Stack Up"
It's all about status...top dog, if you like. This serene and thoughtful interlude from Come On Die Young is perfect to calm your alpha mutt into a peaceful doze. Or maybe he's an aggressive type...

The Bloody Hollies' "Dog Fight"
If so, this stripped and searing guitar battle from Buffalo's Bloody Hollies will get his hackles up and ready to fight. Are you barking at me? Are you barking at me?

Macha's "Cat Wants to be a Dog"
Like human spas, the more upscale properties offer extras -- massage, aromatherapy, special diets. It's only a matter of time until onsite psychiatrists tackle the issues brought on by this difficult identity problem. From the gamelan-laced and trippy self-titled Macha.

Michael Cerveris's "SPCA"
Or maybe it's all a sham, the millions of dollars spent on pets a poor substitute for actually hanging with them, scratching their ears, taking them for walks. Your dog doesn't want to go to a fancy kennel. He wants to lie on the rug and lick his...well you know. "Call the SPCA / 'cos I'd rather be stray..." than lonely is what you're pet's probably saying -- and what Michael Cerveris, helped out by Corin Tucker and Ken Stringfellow, is saying on this rocking track.