My best friend Sara is currently in the process of getting her gear in boxes, ready to move from her ex's flat into digs of her own. After ten long years, the last three more bad than good, she decided it was time to pack it in. Here are twelve lucky songs (and one comedy routine) she could play on her way out the door-- and you can, too, if you ever find yourself in this unusual situation.

Pedro the Lion /Criticism as Inspiration / The Only Reason I Feel Secure:
For those unlucky sods in codependent relationships....

Marvin Gaye / When Did I Stop Loving You / Here, My Dear:
Anything from this album -- written as a fuck-you to his ex-wife for alimony royalties -- would probably push your point. But this last, 47-second track (a reprise of an earlier song) sums everything you want to say succinctly, and the sheer afterthought quality of the song just underscores it.

Jeff Buckley / Last Goodbye / Grace:
The soaring nature of this song will enhance your feeling of freedom, and save you the trouble of writing a note.

Fonda / The Sun Keeps Shining On Me / The Strange and the Familiar:
In case he keeps asking, "Why"?

Spiritualized / Broken Heart / Ladies and Gentlemen, We Are Floating in Space:
This'll numb him when she has to get out the door fast.

Tori Amos / Crucify / Little Earthquakes:
A compliment and a summation of the problem in the same sentence: "Just because you make me come doesn't make you Jesus."

Patti LaBelle / Lady Marmalade / Nightbirds:
The song that begs the question (Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?) that got the whole mess started. And maybe he'll be too busy dancing to notice that she's packing.

Radiohead / Fake Plastic Trees / The Bends:
It'll give him an excuse to cry, if he's having a hard time faking it. Let Thom Yorke do the work of telling her ex he's plastic -- or, er, polystyrene.

Slick Rick / Treat Her Like a Prostitute / The Great Adventures of Slick Rick:
An explanation of his relationship aesthetic (and the reason why Sara had to go).

Pulp / Have You Seen Her Lately? / His n' Hers:
This is what all her friends told her, and she ignored them.

Bob Dylan / Sara / Desire:
A sweet, melancholic ballad written for his soon-to-be-ex-wife. The connection should be inspiring.

George Clinton / Atomic Dog / Computer Games:
She'll need something more upbeat to balance out the list. And "Atomic Dog" has a nicer ring to it than "world-class bitch"!

Richard Pryor / When Your Woman Leaves You / ...Is It Something I Said?:
Richard Pryor can give some great advice on broken relationships, and how to mend them. Any listener should pay close attention to his "psychology bag".

-- Jenn Sikes

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