2. Jurassic Five
People should be ready to get moving at this point. Acting as a bridge between the vocal stylings of Rahzel and the bands to follow, J5 can play songs like "Jayou" and "Monkey Bars" and get everyone in a good mood. Besides, every time they come to Chicago they play the House of Blues. I hate that place. It would be good to see them somewhere else.

3. Hot Hot Heat
Canadians attack, first wave. I have never seen these guys perform live and they might well suck, but I hope not. I've had their Knock Knock Knock EP on constant rotation lately. Lottery or no lottery, I'm looking forward to seeing them live. Assuming they can bring it, Hot Hot Heat should be a good act to launch the evening's rock.

4. Further
I haven't seen these Aussies live yet, either, but I've seen plenty of video via my friend in Sydney, who owns their label. Their new album is called Punk Rock Vampires, and they mean it -- it's loud and raucous, yet still gloriously melodic. I'd want to be front and center when they play.

5. Quasi
Quasi play songs that would be campfire hits if there was any justice in the world. By now it might even be getting dark, so the audience could listen to their music around an actual campfire. Hopefully Sam Coomes won't break his piano when he vaults over it in mid-song.

6. Sloan
The rock gods of Nova Scotia. I'm hoping that I could convince them to play "Pen Pals", "Snowsuit Sound", "Friendship", "In the Movies" and the masterpiece "G Turns to D". Oh, and whatever the rest of the audience wants to hear.

7. The Locust
Time to clear the room, I guess. The Locust are on the bill strictly to make fellow Splendid writer Jason Jackowiak wet his pants. They get ten minutes, tops. After that we'll take a half-hour break while paramedics resuscitate all the older folks.

8. 7000 Dying Rats
If I'm going to piss off large chunks of the audience, I at least should get something out of it. If the Rats don't offend forty percent of the scaled-down crowd remaining after The Locust plays, they must be fully clothed and sober. I'll ask them to play all hair metal covers and their own hit, "Strippers on Ecstasy".

9. KRS-One
Seeing KRS-One at the UIC student center several years ago is one of my favorite concert-going memories. On stage before a few hundred people, all of whom sang along to every song, KRS-One could have been performing nursery rhymes and I think the reaction would have been the same.

10. The BellRays
I've discovered the best combination of discs to put in the player and shuffle: both parts of Otis Redding live at the Whiskey A Go Go and the BellRays' Grand Fury and Let it Blast. With Lisa Kekaula leading the way, the BellRays are what Otis would have sounded like if he let his rock leanings go all the way (and if he invested in some Marshall stacks).

11. Primal Scream
The right combination of dance music, rock and psychedelia to balance the night, Primal Scream belong here on the bill. And besides, I really want to see Kevin Shields. Yes, I'll have to hide all the alcohol and all the pharmaceuticals, but it'll be worth it.

12. Muse
Big in Japan, England, France and just about every other country in the world but the US, this trio are the closest thing to Queen you're likely to find. They rock their balls off and have a singer, Matt Bellamy, who can sing prettier than any man this side of Thom Yorke, Ben Gibbard or the late Jeff Buckley. As Muse keep canceling US outings, I'd be more than willing to buy their seats on the Concorde over.

13. Tricky
His last couple of albums might be hit or miss (Or simply shit -- Ed.), but there is nothing in this world, outside of almost drowning, that compares to seeing Tricky perform live. If he's on, it is akin to being in a whirlwind of sound. If he's off...time to see if there are any hot dogs left.

14. Spiritualized
The last two times they've come to town, they've played the same night as Stereolab, and I've been forced to choose. I want Jason Spaceman to bring the horn players, though.

15. Stevie Wonder
The long shot of the evening. I'd pay his stage crew extra if they hid all his modern keyboards and gave him only Moogs and vintage synths to play. And Jaguar Wright is his only backup singer.

16. El Mopa
Yet another favorite act I've never had occasion to see live -- once again, because of the Pacific Ocean. It would be El Mopa's job to bring down the crowd gently. I think they'd do it wonderfully.

17. Damien Jurado and Julie Doiron.
While Jurado and Doiron duet in my living room, I'd make brunch for whoever is left standing. No fair going out in the yard and hanging yourself!