Clockwise must be sponsored by the newest alcoholic beverage on the market, Absolut Shit, because these boys were obviously drinking forties of the stuff the whole time they recorded this toilet flush of an album. I swear, it really amazes me that even in our terror-stricken free world young American men can still obsess over their hair, hate women, learn a power chord and bullshit their way to a record deal. Here we have five Las Vegas pukes who got together to make the most pathetic and redundant and worthless album I've heard in a long time. This band is about as awesome as a date rape. Did I mention about how Clockwise is so intensely derivative, because I cannot stress that point enough. This group deserves to vanish in a sewer of the record industry's own making. The lyrics, for Christ's sake, they're just pathetic. "Now I realize she has taken all I am, (riff riff) realize it now (riff riff), so I'll take back who I am (riff)," and finally screaming "I'm gonna lay her down," is one of singer Austin Leduc's more successful whiny, hopeless and fake-ass choruses, from "Lay her down", in which he felches the life out of a Faith No More song while ineptly winging an impression of Eddie Vedder as an emotionless cock-rocking robot. Most of the album focuses on giving heavy riff to Leduc's poetry of hurt, cuckolding and general moaning and groaning -- but now and then, like on "When I lie", they switch it up with a bit of acoustic riff and some poetry about Leduc's failings as a man. Healthy Manipulation is a depressing splatter of the worst of contemporary rock cliché, sounding like Creed and Staind and Nickelback and Puddle of Mudd (all at once!). But Clockwise might just be the biggest rejects of them all. This group is so vehemently bland I'd rather listen to a fart on a long elevator ride. You can only hope this whole fiasco was actually cooked up by a bunch of even bigger assholes at RCA who wanted to cash in on the shitstorm of excitement over generic emo-rock, and forced a bunch of lonesome Las Vegas squeegee kids to take crack, get high, and make an awful, useless, cynical, wimpy, feckless record. Everyone involved in making and selling this record should be forced to go hunt down Osama bin Laden as punishment for making America look like a giant crap delivery system.