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splendid > reviews > 7/7/2005
Princess
Princess
Self-Titled
Tony Chaos


Format Reviewed: CD

Soundclip: "Autograph"

Buy me now
Part Queen worship, part talent, but mostly piss-take, this self-titled disc makes the worst of both high-school humor and drum machines, landing Princess squarely between Har Mar Superstar and whoever gets dredged up to open for A Flock of Seagulls on their reunion tour.

Opener "Autograph" wails on a repetitive kick-drum line for all it's worth, letting vocal duo Alexis Gideon and Michael O'Neill run their mouths: "Get real high like you're doing a shotty with Scottie / Pippen know how to act like performing at Piven skippin hop." The song continues in this stream-of-consciousness fashion for the better part of two minutes before it's interrupted by guitar feedback, which then drones on for an additional two minutes. The duo's lyrical nadir comes one song later, in "Miss Adventures": "With friends like these, who needs enemas / there's no ass in team." At least this time they bothered to program a rhythm worth listening to, full of dark textures and moody drums. Furthermore, their flow, while completely ridiculous, works quite well with the rhythm. Once they stop rapping, however, the distorted guitars return, running roughshod over the beat, completely destroying the song and burning up any potential goodwill the band might have accrued.

Later, on "Buildings", you'll get the golden opportunity to experience an eight-minute collage of noisemakers and out-of-tune guitars, two minutes of which are actually unlistenable (they consist solely of dissonant guitars and a kick drum thumping at 180 BPM). The song is unsalvageable. The album isn't much better.



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